Radiant Redemption

For a long time, I didn’t know how to be angry.
I knew how to implode.
I knew how to self-destruct.
I knew how to take all of that fire and turn it inward—burning myself down quietly while the world went on around me.

Anger felt unsafe. Dangerous. Unwelcome.
It was easier to blame myself than to feel it.
So that’s what I did.

When Anger Has Nowhere to Go
Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions—especially for women, especially in recovery, and especially for those of us who’ve lived our lives trying to make everyone else comfortable.

For many of us, anger wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t modeled well, and it wasn’t received safely.
We were taught to keep the peace, keep smiling, keep it all in.
And if we couldn’t? We turned it inward—through shame, silence, addiction, self-harm, isolation, or internal narratives that told us we were the problem.

But here’s the truth:

Anger is not bad.
It’s just loud grief.

It’s a signal. A warning light. A message that something isn’t right.
When we listen to it—not obey it, not fear it, but truly listen—we often find what we’re actually feeling is something far more tender.

The Emotions Under the Surface
Anger is a surface emotion.
It shows up to protect us when we feel exposed. But underneath it often lives:

Fear – of being hurt, abandoned, misunderstood.

Grief – over what we lost, what we never got, what we’re still healing from.

Shame – that tells us we don’t have the right to feel what we feel.

Sadness – that feels too heavy to carry.

When we ignore or suppress these deeper feelings, anger shows up to carry the weight.
But it can only hold it for so long before it explodes—outward toward others, or inward toward ourselves.

For me, it was always inward.

Turning Toward Instead of Away
Healing has meant learning to sit with my anger. Not justify it, not act on it, not shame myself for it—but sit with it like a curious friend.

When I feel the heat rise in my chest, I ask:

What just got stirred up in me?

What am I really feeling underneath this?

What is this anger trying to protect me from?

What would I need to feel safe enough to be sad instead?

It takes practice. And presence.
But the more I lean in, the more I realize—anger isn’t trying to ruin my life.
It’s trying to reveal where my life still needs healing.

Healthy Tools for Processing Anger
If you’re learning to work through anger instead of stuffing or exploding, here are a few practices that have helped me:

Journal Without Censoring.
Let the anger speak on paper. Don’t judge it—just get it out. You’ll often find the real emotion underneath as you go.

Move Your Body.
Go for a walk, hit a punching bag, stretch, dance—whatever helps release the energy from your body so it doesn’t get trapped.

Scream in the Car.
Seriously. Roll up the windows and let it out. There is nothing wrong with needing a place to roar.

Use “I feel” statements.
When you’re ready to talk to someone, lead with the feeling beneath the anger. “I feel hurt when…” is far more powerful than “You always…”

Talk to Safe People.
We need spaces where we can be angry and still be loved. Share it with someone who won’t try to fix you—just hold space with you.

When Anger Is Turned Inward
For those of us who struggle with people-pleasing, codependency, or perfectionism, we often internalize our anger:

“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

“It’s probably my fault.”

“I’m overreacting.”

“They didn’t mean it like that.”

These thoughts might feel humble, but they are harmful. They erode our sense of worth and keep us trapped in cycles of shame.

You are allowed to be angry.
You are allowed to feel hurt.
You are allowed to take up emotional space.

Anger doesn’t make you bad.
It makes you human.

🌿 A Loving Reminder
If you’ve spent most of your life afraid of your anger—this is your permission slip to get curious about it. To honor it. To give it room to breathe and be seen.

Because on the other side of anger isn’t destruction—it’s clarity.
It’s boundaries.
It’s self-respect.
It’s truth.

You don’t have to blow up your life to listen to your anger.
You just have to stop pretending it’s not there.

“Anger is just sad’s bodyguard.” — Liza Palmer

This week, notice where anger is showing up in your life—especially where it might be covering up sadness, fear, or pain.
Take 10 minutes to journal honestly about what’s beneath it.
What might your anger be trying to protect in you?

You are worthy of spaces where your full emotional range is welcome.
Let this be one of them.