One of the most unexpected parts of healing is realizing just how unsafe we once felt inside our own minds and bodies.
For years, I didn’t even know it was possible to be a safe place for myself.
My inner world was a battlefield—full of shame, panic, self-blame, and internal chaos. My nervous system was stuck in survival mode, and every emotion felt like a threat. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t know how to care for myself. I didn’t even know how to slow down long enough to listen to what was actually happening inside me.
Addiction, trauma, and codependency all teach us the same lesson:
You cannot trust yourself.
And so we disconnect.
We numb.
We judge.
We hide.
We shame ourselves into silence.
We abandon ourselves long before anyone else ever could.
But recovery?
Recovery invites us into something radically different:
Learning to become a safe, grounded, compassionate place for ourselves.
If you’ve ever wondered why you feel overwhelmed, reactive, emotionally fragile, or constantly on edge, here’s the truth:
Your body remembers everything your mind tried to forget.
If you grew up in chaos…
If you were punished for emotions…
If you learned to silence your needs…
If pain was unpredictable…
If addiction took over your coping…
Then of course your internal world feels scary.
You were never taught emotional safety.
You were never taught self-trust.
You were never taught how to comfort yourself without self-destruction.
Feeling unsafe inside yourself isn’t a flaw.
It’s a trauma response.
It’s a learned pattern.
And it can be unlearned.
Here is the hope:
You can become someone you trust.
You can become someone who responds rather than reacts.
You can become someone who stays grounded instead of spiraling.
You can become someone who comforts instead of condemns.
But like everything in recovery, this is a practice.
A slow, sacred rewiring of your relationship with yourself.
Here’s what I’m learning to do, imperfectly and slowly:
1. Noticing My Emotional State Without Judgment
Instead of, “Ugh, why am I like this?”
I try to ask,
“What’s happening underneath this reaction?”
2. Regulating Before Responding
Deep breaths.
Feet on the floor.
Hands open.
A pause long enough for my nervous system to settle.
3. Speaking to Myself with Honesty and Compassion
Not sugarcoating, but not shaming.
Saying things like:
“You’re overwhelmed, not failing.”
“You’re afraid, not broken.”
“You’re learning, not regressing.”
4. Setting Boundaries With Myself
Yes, boundaries with myself.
Things like:
“I don’t speak to myself that way.”
“I don’t use self-hatred as motivation.”
“I don’t sit alone in shame when I could reach out for help.”
5. Allowing Myself to Need People
A huge part of self-safety is knowing when to let others support you.
We aren’t meant to regulate or heal in isolation.
The more I practice these things, the more I realize:
Safety isn’t about controlling everything—
it’s about knowing you can handle what you feel.
When you begin to feel safe inside yourself, everything shifts:
- Reactivity decreases
- Shame loses power
- Relationships become healthier
- Triggers feel less catastrophic
- Conflict becomes navigable
- You stop abandoning yourself
- You start choosing differently
- Healing deepens
You no longer collapse under emotions or punish yourself for being human.
You learn to stay present.
You learn to soothe instead of shame.
You learn to listen instead of hide.
You learn to trust yourself—maybe for the first time ever.
This is where freedom lives.
Not in perfection, but in presence.
This week, take a few minutes to write out your own “Emotional Safety Plan.”
Include things like:
- What helps you regulate when overwhelmed
- Phrases you can tell yourself when shame rises
- Three people you can reach out to
- Activities that calm your body
- Boundaries with yourself and others
- What you won’t do when triggered
This is not weakness.
This is wisdom.
This is how you care for yourself with the same tenderness you’ve always given to others.
This is how you become a safe haven instead of a battleground.
Radiant Redemption 
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