Learning to Sit in Uncertainty

I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to try to live three months ahead of where I actually am.

Something small happens, and before I know it, my mind has built an entire future around it.

A difficult conversation? Suddenly my brain is preparing for the collapse of every relationship I have.

An unexpected expense? Apparently I’m now homeless and living under a bridge.

A change in plans? Clearly everything is unraveling.

I laugh about it now because sometimes it becomes so ridiculous that I can see it for what it is. But if I’m being honest, there are times it still feels incredibly real.

Because uncertainty can feel terrifying.

For many of us, uncertainty doesn’t simply feel uncomfortable.

It feels unsafe.

Control Feels Safer Than Uncertainty

If you’ve lived through addiction, trauma, dysfunction, chaos, or unpredictability, you probably learned something very early:

Control equals safety.

So we become planners.

Managers.

Fixers.

Overthinkers.

We scan conversations for hidden meaning. We anticipate worst-case scenarios. We rehearse outcomes that haven’t happened yet.

Not because we’re dramatic.

Because we’re trying to protect ourselves.

Because if we can predict it, maybe we can prevent it.

If we can prepare for it, maybe it won’t hurt as much.

But here’s the problem:

Control often gives us the illusion of safety while quietly stealing our peace.

Because eventually we realize something frustrating:

We cannot control most of life.

We cannot control:

Other people
Outcomes
Timing
Circumstances
Other people’s opinions
The future

And trying to control what we cannot control eventually becomes exhausting.

One Day at a Time Isn’t Just a Recovery Phrase

I used to think “one day at a time” sounded almost too simple.

Until I realized how often my suffering wasn’t actually coming from today.

It was coming from living in imagined tomorrows.

Today’s reality:

I’m okay.

My family is okay.

I have support.

I have tools.

I have choices.

But my mind?

My mind had me living six disasters ahead.

Recovery keeps bringing me back to what is real.

Not what might happen.

Not what could happen.

What is happening.

Because most of the time, when I return to this moment, I discover something surprising:

I can handle this moment.

Uncertainty Is Where Trust Grows

I wish I could tell you healing eventually means you stop feeling uncertain.

I can’t.

Life will always have unknowns.

There will always be moments where you don’t know what’s coming next.

But maybe the goal isn’t certainty.

Maybe the goal is trust.

Trust that you can handle hard things.

Trust that you don’t have to figure out your entire future today.

Trust that even if things don’t unfold the way you hoped, you will still be okay.

Trust that you are not alone.

Because certainty isn’t what gives us peace.

Trust does.

Returning to What Is Real

When I start spiraling into the future now, I try to pause and ask:

What is actually true right now?

Not what I’m afraid of.

Not what I’m predicting.

Not what shame is whispering.

What’s true?

And usually I find myself returning to things like:

I am safe.

I am supported.

I don’t have to solve tomorrow today.

I only need to take the next right step.

Take out a journal this week and create two columns:

What I Can Control
What I Need to Release

Under What I Can Control, write things like:

My honesty
My choices
My effort
Asking for help
How I respond

Under What I Need to Release, write:

Other people’s reactions
Outcomes
Timing
The future
Things outside my control

Then sit quietly and ask yourself:

What would happen if I stopped trying to carry what was never mine to hold?

Because healing doesn’t teach us how to control life.

It teaches us how to stay rooted when life feels uncertain.

Radiant Redemption